An (un)expected journey
by 08simmonsf
Summary: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. Lizzie reflects over the past year vlogging. For anyone who hasn't read P&P, this may contain some spoilers(?)


The first week after Lizzie ended her video blog, she has already begun to feel the boredom creep upon her. She had gotten so used to making a video on a Sunday and Wednesday, and spending the rest of the day editing them before they were due to be uploaded, and now, she had nothing. What on earth did normal people do with their time?

She thought back, over the decision to stop and for the millionth time, reassured herself she had made the right decision. The videos were only meant to be a short project, but she had kept them going for the sake of the fans and the fact she could use them as part of her thesis project. She had really grown attached to them over the past eleven months, and so making the decision was not as easy as she once thought it would be.

She had grown up on them. She realised this now. When she first started shooting, she had had no idea what she was doing, and very much relied on Charlotte to keep this project alive. But as time had gone by, and life had taken its toll, she had grown and learnt and adapted to change. She had watched her best friend leave, her older sister fall in love, and her younger sister face life's trials and tribulations.

She herself had even, despite swearing to loathe him for eternity, had come to care for the man she once called "Darcybot". How so much could change within a year! And to think, her lovely viewers were right all along. She had been totally blind, completely judgemental in her opinions of the people she met. Whether good or bad, she soon learnt just how wrong she was. But no matter, that was part of life.

Knowing she couldn't use the internet as a security blanket or having thousands of strangers to confess her secrets to, was going to be hard to let go of. She was saddened to think it had all come to an end, and after she turned off her camera for the last time, she cried (though she won't admit it to anyone, not even Jane). But looking back, she saw it was not the end, but rather the beginning. Her life was just starting. New year, new Lizzie.

Since-foetuses friendship was tested not only by petty arguments, but also by distance itself. But she had promised to visit as often as she could, and thank God for texting because she does not know how she would have coped if she hadn't had her number one bestie guiding her through her own emotions. It was true, Lizzie sucked when it came to identifying what she really felt. That's why she had clung to her hatred of Darcy for so long, because it was so much easier to hate a stranger, than it was to admit she might be vulnerable and open and honest about her feelings.

The eldest Bennet had fallen in love, had her heart broken, grow and change to cope with the harsher realities of life away from loved ones, and was now happily in love once more. It's funny how things can come full circle, whereas Lizzie's always felt like her life was a scribble drawn by a toddler. A labyrinth she couldn't solve. But these video blogs had acted as a map showing where she had been. She knew which paths and dead ends she had traversed and that e way forward may not be clear, but it certainly wasn't behind her.

Even her younger sister had grown and changed. Which is something Lizzie never thought would happen. Not that she hadn't been hoping. She adored her sister dearly, but wanting what was best meant she didn't always approve. She regretted so badly the choices she made when it came to Lydia; the arguments and ignorance. The unconvincing lie she had repeatedly told herself that giving Lydia space was what would be best for the both of them. The failure to prevent the cruelty of reality.

She herself had fallen out of hate with a kind, caring man who didn't despise her as she once believed. She had learnt from her mistakes, most of which had found their way onto the Internet. Her virtual history reeked of her failures, her misunderstandings and errors. She hated them for that, but then again, she couldn't bring herself to hate one of the biggest changes to her life. These videos had taught her a whole bunch of lessons, not just technical ones but personal and social ones too.

She had learnt when it is best to maintain privacy, rather than humiliating herself and/or others. She had learnt that what she says on the Internet is forever, and no matter how much she wishes she could take it back, she knows her past will always haunt her. But her most important lesson, was that no matter how much you thought you might've hated him, how much you insulted and mocked him (both to his face and on screen), there is a man who is so madly in love with her. A man who was willing to forgive all her failures and who would still go to the end of the Earth and back just to see her smile.

Lizzie knew it was time to close this chapter of her life. It was time to start some new adventures, away from the prying eyes of strangers and shippers. She had gone on a journey with them, But now she needed to let go, unplug the camcorder and start the next big, scary step into adulthood. New year, new boyfriend, new job, new home. New life.


End file.
